When Xenosaga Character get Drunk
by GoldenSunSheba
Summary: This is distirbing so plz beware I have worn you... This is what happens when you have drunk Xenosaga characters. Final chapter up, contains spoilers...I think XD
1. Part one:

GSS: This is what happens to Xenosaga characters when they get drunk, Detected to Miles Tails Prower ^_^o you rule all!  
  
Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
GSS: . . .  
  
Sheaira: DISCLAIMER!  
  
Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
Sheaira: we don't own any of the characters in this story  
  
Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
Sheaira: *Throws a brick at Helmer* that's better  
  
~-~-~-~  
  
When Xenosaga Character get Drunk  
  
Matthews: Give me another bear!  
  
Waiter: Okay  
  
Shion: *Leaning over the counter* wine strawberry wine *Giggles*  
  
MOMO: No you bitch peach wine *Smack Shion head*  
  
Shion: *Drools* oww  
  
Jr.: Martinis  
  
Ziggy: NO VODKA!  
  
Jr.: MARTINIS!  
  
Ziggy: VODKA!  
  
Allen: why not both?  
  
Ziggy: okay  
  
Jr.: Yay baby Martinis and Vodka! We rule!  
  
Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *Sitting on a chair drinking his 50 bear* OH UUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOO has been naughty he needs a spanking  
  
Chaos: Hey God *Talking to Hammer*  
  
Hammer: YO, YO what up hommie?  
  
Chaos: *Pours wine on Hammers hair* I want to lick you over, meet me on the ceiling . . . *falls over*  
  
MOMO: Bitchin?  
  
Jr.: Yeah Babykinns *Drools*  
  
MOMO: Naughty boy go to your room!  
  
KOS-MOS: ummmm. . .*falls over* hehehehehehehe  
  
Chaos: Holy shit what a sexy bitch come to my ceiling girl let's get it on!  
  
Hammer: shit is holy  
  
Chaos: Bow down to this shit bitch *Smacks Hammers ass*  
  
Ziggy: men porno is good to look at  
  
KOS-MOS: Hi mummy *Looks at Shion*  
  
Shion: Good girl *Pats her on the head*  
  
Allen: Two vodka's for me  
  
Shion: damn you're sexy!  
  
Allen: get away bitch! *Pushes Shion off him*  
  
Shion: Let's get it on in your room  
  
Allen: NO! KEEP THE HELL AWAY BITCH!  
  
Chaos: Hey good looking how bout you and I get on each other baby?  
  
MOMO: GO STRAIGTH TO HELL! *smacks chaos*  
  
Chaos: oh baby give me more  
  
Jr.: I'm waiting my sweet  
  
MOMO: Oh what a naughty, naughty boy *Runs after Jr. as Chaos try's to lean on her*  
  
Chaos: *on the floor* ehehehehehehe  
  
KOS-MOS: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *Lands on Chaos*  
  
Chaos: oof!  
  
KOS-MOS: oppsie -_-;  
  
Tony: Hey Baby how's a goin? *Talking to a mirror*  
  
Hammer: I AM GOD PRAIS ME  
  
Tony: Holy shit! *bows to Hammer*  
  
Hammer: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHE HEHEHEHEHEHEHE  
  
Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
Shion: you're sexy how bout you and I get it on? *turning to Helmer*  
  
Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUU DOOOOO?  
  
Shion: Let go baby  
  
Helmer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllright  
  
Matthews: Another bear  
  
Waiter: Okay  
  
The end  
  
GSS: OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG  
  
Sheaira: enjoy the craziness 


	2. Part two:

GSS: You asked for part 2 here it is . . . and this time I'll spell beer right . . . instead of bear -_-;  
  
Albedo: I eat everything eatable  
  
Sheaira: is eatable even good grammar?  
  
GSS: don't ask me I think he's drunk and I haven't even started the story  
  
Albedo: Nahahahahahahahaha  
  
Sheaira: We own nothing except the beer out here  
  
GSS: ummmm . . . this isn't a commercial  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
When Xenosaga Character get Drunk 2  
  
Albedo: *Singing* Sweet, sweet peche whine . . . Oh how I kill everything for ma peche whine *Falls over*  
  
MOMO: You pervert you're trying to look up my dress DIE! *Kicks Albedo's head off*  
  
Head: NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
KOS-MOS: *Steps on head* uh . . . opps *Giggles with whine in her hand*  
  
Albedo: *Head grows back* oh lalalala  
  
Chaos: *reading sonic comics* this makes no since *reading it backwards*  
  
Shion: *Making moaning sounds from other room*  
  
Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*also from other room*  
  
Ziggy: Rar *Still looking at men porno*  
  
Hammer: I'm god. . .  
  
Matthews: Shut the *Beep* up moron  
  
Hammer: DO NOT MAKE MIGHTY GOD MAD! *Picks up cheese* BOW DOWN TO ME AND CHEESE!  
  
Tony: Holy shit *Gets on knees*  
  
Matthews: Get up ya moron. . . I'm too drunk for this  
  
Chaos: ummm can some one tell me what this watery thing in this comic is? Its spelled C-H-A-O-S  
  
KOS-MOS: hehehe fluffy bunnie  
  
Bunnie: AH LET GO!  
  
U.M.N Bunnie: serves you right for not joining U.M.N like I told you to  
  
Bunnie: NO EVIL ANDROID LADY!  
  
KOS-MOS: *Snuggling Bunnie* aw so soft  
  
Bunnie: hey how a you feel you're an android  
  
KOS-MOS: What's that bunnie you thirsty?  
  
Bunnie: Uh no but. . .  
  
KOS-MOS: *Shoves beer down Bunnie's throat* Whoa. . .  
  
Bunnie: ewww.  
  
Nephilim: God is coming for Gnosis  
  
Abel: Shut up I'm drinking  
  
Nephilim: NO YOU GO TO HELL  
  
Abel: I was talking about hell?  
  
Margulis: Ah Pellegri now how about that plan. . .  
  
Pellegri: Plan?  
  
Margulis: Yes the plan to rule the universe  
  
Pellegri: Plan?  
  
Margulis: Okay so I made it up right now but still . . . *Hic*  
  
Pellegri: I think you drank too much  
  
U-Tic soldiers: *hic* HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE  
  
Wilhelm: *sleeping on pretzels*  
  
Miyuki: I rule the world. . . KOS-MOS I'm your new commander  
  
KOS-MOS: wtf?  
  
Kevin: sheep rhythms with sleep *falls on the floor*  
  
Everyone except Kevin: WTF!?  
  
Allen: damn that guy never dies  
  
Mary: Ya'll all drunk now  
  
Allen: HA bad grammar  
  
Mary: screw you  
  
Allen: don't mind if I do  
  
Shelly: *Slaps Allen*  
  
Allen: Oh lalal sisters rar  
  
~Other side of room~  
  
MOMO: Albedo . . . don't you think you should share some of that whine  
  
Albedo: NEVER MINE  
  
Ghostly figure of Commander Cherenkov: Ah crap can't drink anything, hey MOMO I thought you where getting it on with Jr.?  
  
MOMO: I was until he fell asleep  
  
Albedo: I don't sleep  
  
MOMO: Ewww pervert  
  
GFOCC: yes he is  
  
Albedo: didn't Allen reject doing it with Shion  
  
MOMO: yes a long time ago why?  
  
Albedo: is she still free. . .  
  
MOMO: PERV! *Slaps Albedo and leaves*  
  
Albedo: Damn . . . hey didn't you turn into a Gnosis  
  
GFOCC: yes and trust me it wasn't enjoyable  
  
Albedo: didn't think so  
  
GFOCC: So what are you going to do?  
  
Albedo: KOS-MOS, she's one sexy bitch  
  
GFOCC: Oh crap *Watches as Albedo gets flung across the room when trying to get some with KOS-MOS*  
  
Chaos: That's going to hurt tomorrow  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~  
  
GSS: oh dear . . . very crazy indeed  
  
Sheaira: enjoy 


	3. Part three:

**When Xenosagacharacters get drunk!**  
The Final conclusion to the epic trilogy has arrived.  
The passing out of one, awakens the path to more beer

Part 3

It's been a long journey as the Elsa keeps going around in a circle and Tony is laughing manicahly still holding a beer in his left hand. Sure everything's going great right?

Albedo: Dies from alchol poisoning

Wilhelm: Muwahaha evil plan for world domination...or universe...or WHATEVER Reserects Albedo as White Testament

Albedo: Sweet, where the Peache wine?

Wilhelm: Points to the other Testaments Do my biding and create an extra sexy Andriod!

Five hours later

Kevin: I'M SO FNG DRUNK!!! Waves his mug around

Voyager: These are the voyages of the starship VOYAGER!!! dances dressed in Star Trek clothing

Wilhelm: Where'd you get that...I want one...

Albedo: Now this bitch is danm sexy

T-elos: Gets up and hits Albedo causing his head to fly off

Albedo: OH YES YES, GIVE ME MORE His head explodes against the wall

T-elos: ...looks at Virgil crotch and points PENIS!

Virgil: WHERE!? Looks down

Wilhelm: Enough drunken madness we're going to destory Kos-Mos and her friends...or at least the ones that aren't important like Allen

And so they head off to kill Kos-Mos and her friends

Back with the Elsa

Jr.: Where's my beer?

Matthews: WHERE'S OUR BEER!?

Shion: After waking up in the same bed as Helmer I decided to destory all containts of Alchol

All the guys ((Yes even chaos)): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Tony: WOAH GUYS WE GOT A HUGE ROCK INFRONT OF US

Hammer: I landed us there already

Tony: Wait isn't there supose to be a plot?

Allen: Falls through plot hole

Matthews: Is there beer in there?

Allen: YES!

Matthew: Hops in hole

Shion: Sigh

Later

T-elos: Give Kos-Mos a lustful grin Become one with me

Kos-Mos: ...

T-elos: There's free beer

Kos-Mos: Done Goes with T-elos

Shion: Hey How come I'm not invited!

T-elos: Fine Maiden come

The trio get wasted

Momo: Isn't there supose to be a plot to this fan fic?

Jr.: I dunno but those three are making out and it's hot Goes to watch T-elos, Kos-Mos and Shion making out

Momo: Slaps forehead and looks down at Albedo's head looking up her skirt again

Albedo: Hello my beloved Peche

Momo: Kicks Albedo's head PERVERT!

Meanwhile on the Durandal

Yuriev's soliders: 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer, you take one down youy pass it around 98 bottles of beer on the wall! Singing loudly

Citrine: I'M A DRUNKEN YOUTH!

Yuriev: Fool you aren't even a youth

Canaan: LET'S PARTY!! Dances in happy face boxers

Yuli: Day dreaming of Ziggy in a thong

Alright so everyone got blasted to the past and Jin and Shion get wasted with their father and Shion finds out the horrible truth, SHE'S HER OWN MOTHER!? Okay maybe not but Jin sure fell for it. Then their parents get killed by druken ugly creatures who wanted to steal Shion's father's beer. Hell was to pay and Shion summon Noah's Ark...I mean Abel's Ark. And God said in a Drunken manner, "LET'S GET 2 MALES AND BREED!" and that's how Yaoi was created. Anyways the Elsa headed back to the Durandal to celebrate...for some reason.

Matthews: Comes out of plot hole wasted There'd hic better hic be more beer Hic

Jr.: Danm you missed some action Matthews

They reach the Durandal after getting fired at for no reason

Jr.: WTF? What was that for Dad? And why the hell are you in my bro's body?

Yuriev: I was bored, Here drink some beer Hands him some beer

Jr.: GAH! Holds out arms like a baby and sucks on beer

Yuriev: That'll put him to sleep like a baby Goes to do his dirty work

Menwhile

Shion: Read em and weep boys and girls puts down her cards revealing a Full House

Allen: In boxers Danm...

chaos: Looks at his gloves which is the only thing he wearing aw..

Kos-Mos: Trying to figure out how to take off her armor

Back with Yuriev

Yuriev: MUWAHAHAHA YES I AM POWERFUL AS POWERFUL AS...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Helmer: Pops out of no where YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO????

Yuriev: Grins You betcha

Yuriev goes to take on U-Do but loses and get sucked up by Gaignun for some reason and Albedo's mind gets melded with Jr.

Jr.: SHUT UP

Jr.'s second voice: No you shut up!

Shion: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!

They fly around for some odd days a find a funny looking thing floating there

Matthews: Dude I bet we have to go there to get more beer

Tony: Good idea! Lands

Matthew: Turns to our hero's Get us our beer slaves!

And so the group heads out into their journey to find more Beer.

Jr.: This wasn't in my contract

They enter the world of Blue.

Kos-Mos: OMG SHION THERE'S BLUE EVERYWHERE I CAN'T SEE MYSELF!

Shion: Relax...Hands her some alchol

Allen: I thought we ran out Holding a case of 24 in his right hand

Jr.: yeah whatever...

They keep walking for what seems like forever and then stop at a closed door

Kos-Mos: SON OF A BITCH Takes out machine gun and fires but the door doesn't dent

T-elos: Geez sis relax it's just a door

Kos-Mos: RELAX!? I AM RELAXED shoots T-elos for no reason

T-elos: Bitch Attacks Kos-Mos

Shion: Oh FIGHT! 20 bucks on Kos-Mos

Jr: 20 on T-elos!

And so the girls fight

Shion: Bored to death and faints for no reason

Shion ends up in a weird graveyard looking place.

Shion: Danm I got drunk again and stumbled into some weird place...Jin's going to give me the lecture Looks at the graves

chaos: Yo bitch Wearing ancient cloths

Shion: Oh chaos...are you here to take advantage of me

chaos: Hell no, Kos-Mos is the only one for me Daydreams

Shion: Great where is she now, she's drunk again isn't She?

chaos: Points to casket She's going to be so pissed off at me

Shion: Looks at casket and leans on it Oh I opened it look chaos...if she's nude your dead Looks over but chaos is gone Jack ass...Looks down at a woman who look similar to Kos-Mos only with Dark Brown hair and a blue robe on Aw crap she dyed her hair without asking About to poke her for no reason

Woman: Opens her eyes and tries to bite Shion's hand

Then we go into the lovely flash backs of this woman getting drunk with chaos and watching Jesus preach but we all thought chaos was Jesus. chaos then is about to leave the woman and she pleads with him to stay. chaos then got wasted and collapsed and the woman is moarning his passing outness.

Shion: I understand now, you had a drunk boyfriend too...Let get the beer together

Woman: Shion...alright

Back to reality

Kos-Mos: Destories T-elos with her boobs NOW WHO'S THE BITCH Absorbs T-elos

Shion: Yeah yeah what ever come on beer and partying awaits us!

They head into the next room where Kevin is Singing Mr. Lonely and then stops when he sees them

Kevin: Ahem. Now Shion come join the dark side...we have COOKIES!

Shion: CALL ME WHEN YOUR SOBER! Shoots Kevin in the Ass and he runs away into the next room

Allen: Good job Shion have a beer

Shion: I love you Allen

Allen: Oh...

Momo: I seem to not have a major part...is it because I have no boobs?

So they all walk in to see...Domo wearing a Wilhelm wig

Domo: GRAAAAAAAAAAAGHA!

Kevin: Translates He says, "Welcome at last we meet, it is now time for your demise."

chaos: Wait where's Wilhelm

Kevin: Drunk in his office...

Domo: Get angry and waves arms rabidly calling forth the E.S' and draining their Anima GRAHHHHAHA!

Kevin: "Soon the final pieced shall fall into place."

Shion: Walks foreward YEAH SCREW THAT WHERE THE BEER!

Jin: Drinking Jin

chaos: chasing chaos for no reason

Domo: Goes over to Shion GRAAAAGHAHA! Hands over a bottel

Kevin: Drink up cause that's some powerful stuff

Shion: SWEET Gulps it down and colapses completely drunk

Domo: GRAHHA! Reaches to touch Shion

Kevin: Hey that wasn't part of the deal chops of Domo's arm

Domo: Sobs and watches Shion as she squirm

Shion: You should see you hic face...it's ugly hic

Kos-Mos: Walks over and picks up Shion Shion we must get the alchol from Domo Grabs her pendant

Domo: GRAAGHAH!

Kevin: He said "Give me I like Shinny."

Kos-Mos: Give me never gets Destories pendant Now give us the beer

Domo: GRA?

Kevin: So this is your will Mary?

Kos-Mos: GIVE ME THE BEER NOW!

Domo: sighs

Kevin: Okay impails Domo for no reason and they fall into plot hole and beer come popping out of nowhere

Jr.: SWEET JESUS!!

chaos: What?

Nephilim: Appears Hey we need to stop the Gnosis

Jr.: Danm can't we get drunk first?

Nephilim: You can do that later, first use your power to get rid of Gnosis, then we'll meet you at Earth okay

Kos-Mos: Kay see yah Starts to leave with Shion and the others

chaos: Hey we still need your power of Animus, please Mary, I promise we can get drunk together, like old times

Kos-Mos: Grumbles Fine 

Shion: Sobs No Kos-Mos you can't leave

Kos-Mos: Blah blah, you know the teary speech and everything, just save some beer for me

Shion: Okay Happily skips off with the others

And so Kos-Mos release the power of Animus and then the Power of Anima both get some alchol and sing a song calling the Gnosis to come to the Zohar that appeared randomly from a plot hole. Chaos sighs sadly as all the beer gets consumed by Gnosis. Shion and the rest of the gang head to the Elsa But Jin stops them.

Jin: I have to go back

Shion: Sobs Why? I love you big brother?

Jin: It's to save the universe Shion

Shion: Shrugs Okay I'm over it See yah Runs off with the others

Jin: Sweatdrop why do I even bother

Jin goes back to help chaos and Kos-Mos.

Kos-Mos: Attacks Gnosis THAT'S MY BEER BITCH!

Jin: Here I come to save the day, and by the way, I'm drunk on JIN!

Kos-Mos: Shakes head Oh Jesus...

chaos: What? Stop saying my name in vain!

So Kos-Mos fights off Gnosis trying to steal her beer but gets her arm ripped off. Jin get's impailed twice with a small wodden umberala from a Gnosis' martine.

Jin: It's all over dies

Kos-Mos: there's to many of them

chaos: We almost got it Looks up at gaint drunk Gnosis fly towards them

Gnosis: WEEEE!!! PEOPLE!!!

chaos: Shit...

Kos-Mos: Sighs Fine here I go

Kos-Mos shows the Gnosis her boobs and gets destoried.

The entire place then blows up in a big sparkly gold light for a random reason that is unexplainable.

Conclusion:

Shion and Jr. get happily drunk and leave to find lost Jerusalum forgetting Allen at the fuel station twice. Ziggy models Thongs for Yuli and Momo tries to enter Alchol's Annoymonous.

Menwhile floating out in space is mostly destories Kos-Mos.

chaos: In her head Hit me baby one more time Singing

Kos-Mos: Shutting systems down...

THE END!


End file.
